Saturday, January 19, 2008

I will survive... I think

Hello out there. I hope everyone hasn't given up on me. Sally, thank you for asking how I'm doing. That is such a blessing to me to know that you and others are pulling for me right now. Here's how it goes: slowly and painfully. I've come to the realization that I probably will not finish in time to graduate this June. For that to happen, I have to have everything turned into my adviser by March 1st. Unless I figure out how to stop time between now and then, I'm pretty sure I won't have it done. It doesn't help that Lent and Easter are SO. FREAKING. EARLY. THIS. YEAR!

It seems that I've spent a lot of time getting worked up over trying to accomplish this project instead of just doing the work and so I've managed to build it up in my head as this huge insurmountable task. My study times tend to involve me staring at my computer screen for long periods of time, punctuated by email checking and web surfing. In the process of psyching myself out, I've also managed to wear down my immune system, so for the first time in 15 years I've been sick. Since December 28th. I'm not exaggerating that it's been 15 years, it really has. I can't remember the last time I ran a fever, or produced this amount green gunk. I so want to have my life back.

Anyway, one day at a time, right? Today, I sent to my adviser part of Chapter 2 - 20 pages of it. Just so he can see where I am and make sure I'm on track. And, if a day goes by that I just don't have the emotional energy to work on it, then I won't and I won't beat myself up for it. Some days, even if I have 2 hours at the end of it to study, there's just nothing left inside.

so, that's how I am.

If you're at all interested, you can view what I've written so far on my google pages site. click here and then follow the link to Chapter2Jan1908.pdf.

Keep praying for me. God is faithful and just, his mercies are new every morning.


Blogger Sally said...

Still praying Amy, hang in there....

2:35 PM  
Blogger leah sophia said...

hi Amy, yes, I'm still praying--although these days I'm not reading blogs as often as I'd like to, you have been and you are such an inspiration to me! Hang in there, and please don't over-concern yourself about not finishing as soon as you'd hoped. I'm definitely going to read your chapter, but I also need to wait until Tuesday when I'm on a T1 connection rather than this home-basic dsl that for some reason usually crashes my puter when I try going to a pdf. Be Blessed!

10:40 PM  
Blogger leah sophia said...

ps Oh, I just noticed I can read it in googledocs(?) or some other non-pdf form, so I'm going there now...

10:41 PM  
Blogger Amy Stewart said...

Thank you Sally... I'm hangin'

Leah, thank you as well. It is humbling to think that what I've written here has been inspiring. So, I will try to be better at sharing as I go along. Thank you! I am blessed. That is one thing I know for sure!

11:18 PM  

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